"There are many complex moments that arise from adoption, because adoption, at its core, begins with brokenness."
This is so true - I wish I'd come up with the quote myself! My foster son came from a very disfunctional, broken home. His birth mom did not nurture & love him as he deserved. She would not even allow him to call her "Mom". At age 2, this sensitive little boy was caring for his newborn brother with a maturity far beyond his years! It breaks my heart to imagine what "normal" looked like for him, and I wonder if he thought about his family situation or was just oblivious.
Every day I awake to the huge challenge of disciplining him, caring for his special needs, potty training, fighting through mealtimes, keeping him safe, & trying to make a connection. Why do I often balk at the chance to reach out and touch him? I feel SO incredibly guilty that I'm not 100% in love yet. This is what I prayed for, what I've dreamed of for years now! We have an adoptive placement - albeit a legal risk one - shouldn't that be enough?! He calls me "Mommy" and really wants my love and acceptance. Why can't I just push past my awkwardness and feelings of inadequacy to just LOVE this precious child?
All I can say is, I suppose that's why a lot of people refer to it as the "adoption journey". I used to think that was an attempt to be emotional & coin a phrase! But really, I am finding it to be just that... a trek, a marathon, a true journey that we've set out on.
"A child born to another woman calls me mom. The depth of the tragedy and the magnitude of the privilege are not lost on me."
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